Sonic Christmas Blast (1996)

All right, tonight's Christmas Movie Marathon pick is gonna sound a little weird... get ready for the TV special, Sonic Christmas Blast (1996)!

SYNOPSIS:
A fake Santa announces his official retirement and hands off his title to Dr. Robotnik, who uses the role of Santa to steal all the presents of the world and enslave everyone in his workshops. Only Sonic the Hedgehog can find the real Santa and save Christmas for all!

REVIEW:
If you didn't already know, I'm one of the biggest Sonic the Hedgehog nerds you'll ever meet. I've been following the franchise ever since I was 10 years old. My personal website (http://cobysev.net) is a public archive of all the Sonic comics that have ever been released, and I own all 799 of the American comics (802 as of tomorrow's comic book release 😉). And I've watched all 7 (Yes, SEVEN) TV series and played almost all of the 90+ video games. So of course, I couldn't resist reviewing the ONLY Christmas special in the entire franchise. (And yes, I WILL review the live-action Sonic movie coming out on Valentine's Day next year!)

The Sonic Christmas Blast special is the series finale for Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993), a 66-episode acid trip of yelling, childish quips, and psychotic breaks in reality. Surprisingly, this special is one of the most sane episodes in the series. It also came out 3 years AFTER the series ended, so there's been plenty of time for the series creators to grow as people and reflect on their past work. Maybe that accounts for a slightly more coherent story here.

This special also includes a small cameo of Princess Sally, a main character in the other Sonic cartoon airing at the same time: Sonic the Hedgehog (1993). She doesn't have any speaking lines, though, and is mostly there for the fan service. Also, she's pink like her original test colors in the Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) pilot episode, not her usual squirrel brown colors.

This version of Santa is probably the most depressing version ever! After Sonic rescues him, he gives up, proclaiming that Robotnik has ruined Christmas and there's no hope. He even encourages Sonic not to try and save Christmas! Sonic is the only one who doesn't lose hope, and he finds out that a ring Princess Sally gave him happens to be the key to unlocking the "secret of ultimate velocity." To unlock it, he has to master all of the "impossible challenges." Sonic manages to pass all the challenges and gains the ultimate velocity. He uses it to steal back all the presents from "Robotnik Claus" and redistribute them to the children of the world, all in a matter of minutes!

Even after Sonic saves the day, Santa admits that he should retire anyway and proclaims Sonic the new Santa.

Also, weren't there a bunch of enslaved people to save? Maybe I missed the part when Sonic saved them all. Or maybe the special just forgot about them. It's really hard to tell with all the running and screaming and whatnot that happens on this show.

RECOMMENDATION:
If you're a die-hard Sonic fan, then you absolutely must force yourself to sit through this hot mess of a special, including the previous 65 episodes of this diarrhea of lights and sound. But for the average joe, you may be a bit lost trying to figure out what's going on. Despite the whole special being focused on Christmas, I doubt this will ever make a top-10 list of greatest Christmas specials. Unless you have a hyperactive kid that needs something flashy and noisy to distract them, I'd recommend you skip out on this one.

Klaus (2019)

Tonight, my wife and I watched a wonderful new film called Klaus (2019)!

SYNOPSIS:
Jesper (Jason Schwartzman) is a spoiled rich kid living off his wealthy father who runs the Royal Postal Academy. In a last-ditch effort to mature his son, Jesper's dad makes him the sole postman on a remote island in the arctic circle, insisting he's permanently cut off from his life of luxury unless he personally processes 6,000 letters in a year. In a desperate attempt to escape the island and its two feuding clans, Jesper encourages the local children to mail letters to Klaus (J.K. Simmons), the lonely woodsman on the other end of the island, who will send them toys in exchange. And as Klaus responds to each letter with a new toy, a legend surrounding the mysterious man begins to form...

REVIEW:
This was a wonderful origin story for Santa Claus! And it didn't involve magic or elves or anything mystical. Just a simple act of kindness that spread like wildfire. Through whispers of the children and a few subtle suggestions from the postmaster, Klaus became this magical man who would make presents appear overnight, but only to good boys and girls. All the magical elements of Santa were justified by real-world actions in this film. It was very fun to watch.

Jesper reminded me a lot of Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove (2000) (and Jackie and I had to look it up because Jason Schwartzman mimicked David Spade's whiny entitled voice very well). He started out a spoiled brat who will do anything to get home, but he eventually starts to get wrapped up in the good deeds he's performing and finds himself torn between returning to his life of luxury or continuing to help bring cheer and peace to a dark, depressed, and angry town. It was fun to watch his selfish acts slowly become selfless. I love redemption films and I always enjoy seeing if one is tempted to return to their former character, or if they've truly learned a lesson and grown as a person. Jesper was definitely put to that test in this film.

The animation of this film was beautiful! I was surprised to learn that it was hand-drawn animation, with a CGI lighting effect to give it more of a 3D appearance. That gave it a unique style and made it very visually appealing. I'd watch it again just for the look of it. This was Sergio Pablos' first film that he wrote and directed himself and I think he knocked it out of the park!

There was also a remote Saami clan featured in this film. Saami is both an indigenous Finno-Ugric people and describes the groups of languages spoken by them. The little blonde girl who spoke Saami in this film was so adorable! Probably my favorite part about this film. And Sergio Pablos actually flew to northern Norway to record her lines from an actual Saami girl who didn't speak any English. I think she tugged at my heartstrings more than anything else in this film. She was so cuuute! 😍

RECOMMENDATION:
I've never heard of this film until just a few days ago when I saw it pop up on Netflix, but the trailer made it seem interesting, and I'm glad I watched it! I enjoy unique origin stories for traditional tales and this one scratches that itch pretty well. If you like a down-to-earth, feel-good Santa story, you can't pass this one up! I highly recommend it!

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

Sorry for a late review tonight... I spent my evening binging the three "Berserk: The Golden Age Arc" movies. (I love that franchise!) But Berserk is far removed from anything resembling Christmas. So tonight's Christmas movie marathon review is on A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965).

SYNOPSIS:
As Christmas approaches, Charlie Brown finds himself depressed at all the commercialism overtaking the holiday. Lucy offers him the role of director in the Christmas play, but he's inundated with more calls for commercialism. When he gets a small wilting Christmas tree to bring back the spirit of Christmas in his peers, he's instead yelled at for not getting a shiny, expensive, aluminum tree. Desperate, he turns to Linus for advice on the true meaning of Christmas, who gives a rousing speech and stirs the Christmas spirit in their peers.

REVIEW:
This is a classic TV special that predates my existence by a couple decades, but was still an important and nostalgic part of my childhood. Vince Guaraldi's original piano music score is the perfect soothing blend for this calm, Christmas piece. One of these days, I'm gonna get some sheet music for this special so I can learn these songs on piano!

The Peanuts has always been a wholesome Christian comic series that, like Mr. Rogers, promotes good will to your fellow man without cramming religion down your throat. However, the important "meaning of Christmas" speech that Linus gave at the climax was a direct biblical quote; Luke 2:8-14 to be precise. Which is fine in this context, being that a lot of Christians attribute Christmas to the birth of Christ.

Even if you aren't religious (like myself), the message that commercialism distracts from the true meaning of Christmas is still a powerful one. And at the end, when all of Charlie Brown's peers use that blatant commercialism to help decorate his poor wilting tree and make it beautiful for him... that camaraderie and willingness to help out that one depressed kid (even if everyone agrees he's a blockhead) shows that the meaning of Christmas has not been lost to them.

RECOMMENDATION:
I cannot recommend this special enough! It's only 25 minutes long, so you're not put out of your way to watch it. It's wonderful that they actually got child actors to play all the parts, so you don't feel like you're being pandered to with adults mimicking children's voices. And despite showing a day-in-the-life of the Peanuts children, you still get a pretty straight-forward and powerful message. This is a must-watch for EVERYONE!

Noelle (2019)

I'm starting this year's Christmas movie marathon with a new film that just released: Noelle (2019)

SYNOPSIS:
"Santa" is a title passed down for over 2,000 years, and when the current Santa passes away, it's up to his eldest son, Nick Kringle (Bill Hader), to take on the role. However, Nick doesn't want anything to do with the "family business," and when his sister, Noelle Kringle (Anna Kendrick), suggests he take a brief vacation to de-stress, he does just that... and doesn't return. Now it's up to Noelle to find her brother and set everything right, just days before Christmas!

REVIEW:
This was a very fun film! Anna Kendrick is one of my all-time favorite actresses and she did a wonderful job in this film. She juggles the role of responsible adult, childlike wonder, self-doubting, and awkward social interactions outside of the North Pole. I was kind of sad that they had at least two solo female songs in this film and she didn't get to sing either, since she has a very talented singing voice too.

I was afraid at first that this was just going to be a sort of Will Ferrell "Elf" (2003) knock-off, with Noelle traveling to Phoenix, Arizona and awkwardly mingling with the local culture as she tries to track down a lost family member. But they did a good job of keeping it light and entertaining while not making it a straight-up comedy film like Elf. Any awkwardness was dealt with maturely and didn't leave you cringing, like Will Ferrell's style of "comedy."

Leave it to Disney to keep up the tradition of killing off a parent, though. But this time, they went for Santa Claus, right at the very beginning of a story about Santa! Do you know no shame?! Yes, the story's about replacing Santa, but still... at least they were respectful about his passing and didn't play it off as a joke or something.

Also, on a side-note, this movie is apparently a Disney+ exclusive, so if you don't have the new (awful) streaming service, you'll probably have to wait until Disney decides to sell DVDs or something. Or go sailing the great data seas. 😉

Apple must've thrown a lot of money at this film because the running joke throughout the film was that EVERYONE wanted an iPad. Regardless of what anyone wanted for Christmas, there was always an, "also, an iPad" thrown in there.

Speaking of electronics... while the main plot was moving forward, there was a side-plot where a cousin of Noelle's is granted the title of Santa and, being the head of the tech department for the North Pole, decides to automate the entire process. Deliver gifts via Amazon Prime! Use aggregated data online to scan for naughty/nice qualities! He planned to remove all the personal qualities of Santa and make it a well-greased mechanical process.

Being a tech guru myself, I was on board with the whole modernization idea at first, until he announced that his algorithms dictated there were only about 2,000 or so truly good kids in the world and everyone else got a notification on their smart phone telling them why they didn't meet the cut and better luck next year. Ouch!

I can't really talk about the end without spoiling it, but let's just say that Nick and Noelle grow as people throughout the story and it had a pretty satisfactory ending.

RECOMMENDATION:
I don't like making arbitrary rating scales, so I'll just give my recommendation instead. I enjoyed this light-hearted comedy about discovering the true meaning of Christmas and I would recommend anyone see it! There was plenty of holiday cheer, it focuses on all aspects of good will and kindness to all, and even treated religions that don't believe in Christmas with respect. Definitely go check it out!

Christmas Movie Marathon 2019

My wife and I are starting the Christmas movie marathon a day early with holiday-themed mini-sodas and my first film to review!

We're getting ready to move soon, so I dunno if I have time to marathon a new movie every day this month, but I'll try to review as many as I can! I'll post today's review when I'm done watching this film. 😉

In the meantime, here's a brief review of these two holiday sodas:

I expected the Cinnamon Coca-Cola to have a hint of cinnamon sugar flavoring to it, but no... It was like drinking a ground up cinnamon stick! Very strong! But after a few of these, I've gotten used to it and I really like it!

The Winter-Spiced Cranberry Sprite is really good! They usually release a cranberry Sprite around Thanksgiving every year, but I've never heard of a "winter-spiced" version before. I don't know if there's anything different or if it's just a new marketing name, but it's still a very good flavoring.

I'd recommend both!

Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019)

It's been a while since I reviewed a movie, so let's start it up again with Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019)

Dora is a teenage girl who spent her youth growing up in the South American jungle. When her professor/explorer parents finally discover the location of the lost city of gold, they decide to send Dora off to high school in America instead of letting her tag along on the dangerous adventure. But others are looking for the city of gold, and they're willing to kidnap Dora and her new high school friends in exchange for the location of the city.

This film starts out exactly like a live-action Dora episode. A 6-year old Dora and her best friend Diego are off on a wild jeep adventure in the jungle, with a talking backpack and map, and Swiper the Fox trying to steal from them. Then it cuts to "reality" and we see the kids playing in a cardboard box outside Dora's jungle home. Diego and his family are moving to "the city" and the kids say their goodbyes to each other.

Then the movie takes a turn from the cartoon show and jumps ahead to Dora's teen years, where she's still "adventuring" in the jungle. She finds out that her parents have finally found the lost city of gold, but they're reluctant to bring her along because she's still too young. They send her to "the city" in America, to live with Diego's family. And so begins her awkward attempt to "study the indigenous people" of high school.

The trailer for this movie made Dora seem eccentric and out-of-place in normal society, but a confident explorer and always in control. The movie, on the other hand, shows Dora as an odd child, even by her parents' standards. She lacks social skills and is inappropriately personal with everyone she sees.
She does this thing from the old cartoon where she'll explain a fact, then stare at the camera and say, "Can YOU say (thing she described)?" All while her parents are looking around the room awkwardly and whispering to each other, "It's just a phase; she'll grow out of it."

Her optimism is through the roof and her lack of social grace makes for some really painful scenes to sit through. Teenage Diego channels the audience, as he's constantly trying to reel her in. He explains to her that he's just struggling to survive high school and her presence is ruining his "street cred". But he fails to get through to her, as she cares more about being positive with everyone than trying to find common ground to relate to anyone.

Then Dora gets kidnapped by some treasure hunters who plan to use her to find the lost city of gold, and Dora, Diego, and two of their classmates end up shipped back to the jungle in a crate. They escape thanks to the help of a friend of Dora's parents, and go on their own jungle quest to track down her folks.

The rest of the movie is spent exploring the jungle while the classmates whine about not going home. There was a bizarre scene where Dora and Diego get drugged by an exotic plant's spores and start hallucinating that they're cartoon characters, which brings on a literal Dora cartoon scene in the middle of this live-action movie.

Oh! And Swiper the fox is apparently a real thing! No explanation whatsoever for his presence. Some of the kids even comment on the fact that there's a random talking fox wearing a mask. He's apparently working with the treasure hunters. And there was little effort put into his appearance as well; he reminded me of the stop-motion foxes from the film Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009).

If you grew up with Dora cartoons (I didn't), you might enjoy this rendition of a teenage Dora. But for the most part, there were a lot of cringey scenes that dragged on way too long, including one where an adult ugly cries because he almost died, while the kids whisper about how awkward it is when adults cry.

I'd recommend giving this a one-time view, but good luck sitting through it twice! If you want a fun live-action Dora movie, I'd recommend watching the fake trailer made by College Humor instead, which is likely what sparked interest in making this movie in the first place.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

They did it! They fixed Sonic! Thanks to the main man, Tyson Hesse for helping redesign Sonic's look (he's one of the main artists for the modern Sonic comic books).

This movie actually looks interesting now. I'm excited for its release on Valentine's Day.